


A Long Overdue Conversation

by Mattagross



Series: Tachibana Hibiki Needs Therapy (And A Good Support Network) [2]
Category: Senki Zesshou Symphogear
Genre: Angst, Apologies, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Mourning? Sort of?, Tachibana Hibiki Needs Therapy, Tachibana Hibiki Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:54:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25702396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mattagross/pseuds/Mattagross
Summary: Hibiki never meant to push this off for as long as she did.
Relationships: Tachibana Hibiki & Kazanari Tsubasa
Series: Tachibana Hibiki Needs Therapy (And A Good Support Network) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1845580
Comments: 7
Kudos: 39





	A Long Overdue Conversation

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: I think this is the first fic on here with the Hibiki & Tsubasa tag.
> 
> More adventures in 'I am not confident in what I've written whatsoever but I'm posting it anyway!'.
> 
> This felt like a conversation that was long, LONG overdue in-series - and I get why it never happened. 
> 
> Tonally, it wouldn't fit in very easily, and EVERYTHING HAPPENS SO FAST every season that a slow conversation like this would be more than likely be interrupted by a Noise attack or something.
> 
> Anyway, enough of my rambling; thank you for taking the time out to read this.

_It’s a door, Hibiki._

_You don’t need to be afraid of the door._

_Just the conversation afterwards._

All of the courage that Hibiki had cultivated during S.O.N.G.’s previous operations evaporated as she stared down the door to Tsubasa’s apartment. Her conversation with Chris – spur of the moment as it was – had, in fact, helped. Those words rang through her a lot – that she really wasn’t alone anymore – and every time she wanted to reach under her mattress, grab one of the cancer sticks and continue in her self-admitted unhealthy behavior…

It was like Chris slapped her in the back of the head.

Metaphorically.

Hibiki did _not_ want to find out what Chris would do if she did fall off the wagon again.

…but at the same time, the reassurance of ‘not being alone anymore’ didn’t make the sins weighing on her shoulders any lighter. In fact, it felt like some of them only got heavier afterwards, loathed as she was to admit it.

And the one that she wanted to speak to Tsubasa about was the heaviest of all. A part of Hibiki’s conscience wanted to talk about this sooner – _much_ sooner, preferably when Tsubasa didn’t actively hate her existence as much as Hibiki herself did – but life tended to go to hell in a handbasket around her. There was no time to stop, to think, to process anything…

Maybe now, though…

“…Tachibana, why are you staring at my door?”

Let it be known that the sudden intrusion of Tsubasa’s voice did _not_ cause Hibiki to suddenly jolt forward and land in a pile of body parts.

That happened with an undignified squawk of “HWAAAH!” instead.

“Tachibana! Are you alright?!” Tsubasa’s voice was accompanied by the sounds of bags falling to the ground; Tsubasa had clearly been out shopping before Hibiki intruded.

_Great, now I made her worried **and** I’m wasting her time... wonderful start, Hibiki._

“Y-yeah, you just surprised me there.” As Hibiki brought herself to her feet, she caught a glimpse of the idol’s face. For the longest time, it seemed like Tsubasa was never going to look in Hibiki’s general direction without a look of general disdain, not that Hibiki could (or would) blame her. Having to work alongside the person that cost your partner her life, and to have that same person wielding the only thing _left_ of that same person…

No wonder Tsubasa hated her for as long as she did.

And now…

Now she looks genuinely concerned for her.

Before Hibiki’s anxiety could get any worse, Tsubasa spoke.

“If you’re sure…”

Hibiki couldn’t help the shaky laugh she gave in response.

“I’m fine, promise. I, uh… actually want to talk to you? It’s something that I have to talk to _you_ about. It’s— it’s a bit heavy and if you’re busy it can wait, I don’t mean to impose, I mean you’re an idol with Maria-san and you’ve got a concert coming up so maybe it should just wait—”

A firm grip on her shoulder stopped Hibiki’s rambling.

“Tachibana. Please, come in.”

“…okay.”

For as rich as Tsubasa was, coming from a well-off family and being the idol sensation that she is, her apartment was sparse. It had the modern creature comforts – a couch, an entertainment center, a laptop resting on Tsubasa’s small coffee table – and what appeared to be two swords hanging on the wall. Hibiki wasn’t the first to notice this, and when asked about it, Tsubasa could only reply that ‘it makes her feel safer’ living in a smaller, less ornate living space.

Maybe it had something to do with her childhood, seeing how messed up the Kazanari family tree got the farther up you climbed.

Excluding Genjuro and Tsubasa’s late father, of course.

Hibiki quickly found herself situated at the small table, quietly waiting as Tsubasa put her various groceries away. The clattering of drawers and shuffling of bags helped create a temporary sense of peace; there was no telling what would be filling the apartment after Hibiki said her piece tonight.

“Would you like something to drink?”

“Water would be nice.”

More banging and clattering. More fragile peace to fill the void in the meantime. More time to get up and start running away this was a bad idea why are you doing this Hibiki you’re about to alienate one of the only friends you’ve made in _years_ —

The ‘thunk’ of Hibiki’s glass being placed down broke the trance.

“Tachibana…? Are you sure you’re alright?”

Maybe it was the vacant stare Hibiki had developed over the course of sitting at Tsubasa’s coffee table, or the thin veneer of sweat on her forehead, or the “I would like to be anywhere _but here_ ” grip she had on the legs of her pants. But she was already one foot through the door, might as well take the whole step in.

“…no.” Hibiki’s breath hitched as she shakily brought her glass up to her lips, Tsubasa patiently waiting as Hibiki sipped at it.

It was like ripping a bandage off, only to reveal a several dozen more bandages.

“…I don’t think I have been for a while now.” The juxtaposition of Hibiki’s casual tone, her shaking hands, and Tsubasa’s somber expression didn’t go unnoticed by anyone in the room.

Tsubasa slowly seated herself on the opposite side of the table, and it was there that she patiently, quietly waited for Hibiki to gather her courage. For that, she was grateful; the panic attack had only just started to die down, and there was still so much that she needed to say tonight. Sometimes, Tsubasa’s stoicism unnerved Hibiki, never being able to _quite_ figure out what the idol was thinking or feeling at any given time. The fact that Maria had, somehow, was a testament to how stable their relationship was at this point.

But tonight, she was grateful for it.

Only Tsubasa could be this patient for a person who really didn’t deserve it.

After a short while, Tsubasa spoke.

“Tachibana, if you’re finding it this hard to speak about this, we can postpone this conversation—”

“No! I—I’m sorry, no, I— I need to do this _now._ Before… before I lose my courage again.”

And with a shuddering breath, Hibiki finally began.

“I’m sorry. I am- _so_ sorry, Tsubasa. I should have done this years ago and I— I’ve been too much of a coward to do it.”

One more deep breath.

_This is it._

_No going back._

“I’m sorry for getting Kanade killed.” The words felt like lead as they rolled off her tongue, heavy and uncomfortable; from the shocked expression growing on Tsubasa’s face, it was clear that those were not the words she was expecting to hear from Hibiki’s mouth tonight.

“I was the person who Kanade died to save.” Hibiki’s gaze lowered to stare at her hands, flashes of her Symphogear appearing in her vision. “And I never apologized for it.”

By this point, she’d already risen and moved to Tsubasa’s side of the table. Hibiki knew that, at this point, words alone wouldn’t suffice to express her guilt.

Propping herself on her hands and knees, Hibiki pressed her head to the floor, her voice cracking as she sobbed.

“ _I’m so sorry, Tsubasa._ ”

“Its not your fault, Hibiki.”

Hibiki froze, unmoving as Tsubasa pulled her into a hug.

“Kanade’s death rests not at our feet, but Finé’s. I’ve failed in my duties not only as a sentinel but as a sister if I never noticed how badly you were hurting this entire time.

“’Don’t give up on living.’ Those were her final words to you, right?”

More tears began pooling in Hibiki’s eyes, scenes of _that day_ flashing in front of her…

“I know. I know it must be so, so hard to follow her words when battling your demons – for weeks after the concert, all I could think was ‘If I were stronger, Kanade would still be here.’ I blamed myself for it as much as you blame yourself. But it’s not our fault.”

“And if it weren’t for her sacrifice, none of us would be here today – not without you.”

Hibiki began to unconsciously return the hug, hands fiercely gripping the back of Tsubasa’s shirt as she sobbed into her shoulder.

Idly, she wondered when Tsubasa had started crying.

Miku understood when Tsubasa called to explain why Hibiki was staying overnight.

**Author's Note:**

> I had bigger ideas for the actual conversation part of this but it felt like I was starting to veer into filler if I tried to expand on it anymore. Maybe that's just me being a poor writer, who knows.
> 
> I think I have an idea of where to take this next - next stop, "Maria the Mom Friend."
> 
> ...name pending.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for taking the time out to read this.
> 
> As always, you can find me @Mattagross on Twitter.


End file.
